Madwoman Out of the Attic

a feminist trudging forward in a patriarchal world

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Good News!

I think I'm actually pregnant. Well, at least according to two pregnancy tests I took a couple of days ago. I'm excited, but a little freaked out. Life will never be the same - if the little creature doesn't decide to eject itself in the next couple of months.

One of the things I worry most about is not having quality time with Mike. For the past 5 and a half years we've been married, we've had plenty of time to go out to eat, go to movies, hang out every evening with each other. Will all that change with a baby? Will we be just be tossing the baby off to each other so that we each can get things done? I've heard that the first year of having a baby is the roughest on a couple. I do hope a baby won't bring about the breakdown of our marriage - not only because we won't have as much time together, but also because I'm sure we're going to have totally different parenting styles and ideals. I imagine some huge fights are looming in the future over how to raise and what to teach our kids.


Blogger John said...

Congrats! (perhaps?) :)

You should totally be freaked out. Children are life-changing. But so worth it.

I think that the situation varies from couple to couple. Jana might differ on this, but I think our first year of marriage and our first year with our 2nd child were much harder than our first year with #1.

I believe you'll look at your baby, flesh of your flesh and blood of your blood, as more than an imposition, a source of resentment, or a battleground (although even in the best of marriages, a child can be all of the above). (Though H. Cannell's words about a "common enemy" come to mind...)

What do you think the possibilities of the baby being a source of love and a common focus? You listed the possible threats, what are the possible reinforcements?

12/17/2005 11:15 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

True, a baby can definitely bring people together, I'm sure. I always jokingly referred to our first future child as my "insurance policy," since I knew Mike would be much more hesitant to divorce me if we had a child.

I really am pretty positive about raising children with Mike. He's going to be a tremendous dad, and it will be fun for me to see what little humans we can mold and shape. I'm sure I'll be completely enamored by them and think they're fantastic - most of the time.

I just never want to become one of those people who have put all their efforts into their kids at the expense of their spouse. Perhaps I'll change my mind, but I'd like my spouse to be the most important person in my life, even more so than my kids. So I hate the idea of kids possibly driving us apart in the future.

12/17/2005 11:52 PM  
Blogger amelia said...

honestly, watching my parents and my siblings, i think it all gets mixed up together. that putting spouse or kids first. although i understand the concern about having the time to dedicate to each other. which is why you can ask me to babysit anytime! seriously. i love little ones and would be thrilled to come be with yours so you and Mike could go out for dinner or whatever.

plus, I think the simple fact that you're aware that some people devote so much time to their children that they potentially harm their marriage is a good sign. you're less likely to commit a mistake you know is possible than one you're not aware of.

and you're going to mold wonderful little people. i can just tell.

12/19/2005 4:52 PM  
Blogger jana said...

Congratulations are definitely in order! I look forward to sharing in this new adventure with you and Mike and I promise not to give any advice unless you ask for it [just wait, when you tell ppl that you're pregnant you'll be _bombarded_ with advice and horrible birth stories!!]

What a wonderful holiday surprise for you two :)[well, actually for you three!!]

12/19/2005 10:04 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

You're on! I will so be calling on you for babysitting. And thanks for the vote of confidence.

I'm totally open to advice since I know nothing at all. I look forward to hearing what you have to say. I'll try to keep the pregnancy quiet for as long as possible in the ward since I really don't want any random ward members giving me advice, though I guess once my gut starts burgeoning there will be no stopping them.

12/20/2005 6:30 PM  

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