Me and Mormonism
John wrote a post recently about four things he missed about being an active, believing Mormon. I'm still active, but I also miss some of the things he mentioned.
Community: I used to automatically feel a bond to any person I found out was LDS. I used to feel like I had really important things in common with other LDS people. But now that my own beliefs have evolved, I don't feel that same sense of community, of fellowship, of shared goals and ideals. Sometimes I feel pretty lonely at church.
Certainty: Well, that's gone too. But I'm trying to embrace grayness, to embrace possibility rather than certainty.
Morality: I have a very strong sense of morality on some issues (e.g. gender equity), but a grayness on others. Even though I'm still in the Church, it's been exciting to take responsibility for my own morality. I decide whether what I hear over the pulpit is inspired or whether it's hogwash.
Service: Still have that to some extent. Both in and out of the church. I love my humanitarian calling!
Community: I used to automatically feel a bond to any person I found out was LDS. I used to feel like I had really important things in common with other LDS people. But now that my own beliefs have evolved, I don't feel that same sense of community, of fellowship, of shared goals and ideals. Sometimes I feel pretty lonely at church.
Certainty: Well, that's gone too. But I'm trying to embrace grayness, to embrace possibility rather than certainty.
Morality: I have a very strong sense of morality on some issues (e.g. gender equity), but a grayness on others. Even though I'm still in the Church, it's been exciting to take responsibility for my own morality. I decide whether what I hear over the pulpit is inspired or whether it's hogwash.
Service: Still have that to some extent. Both in and out of the church. I love my humanitarian calling!
posted by Caroline | 10:07 AM
5 Comments:
I hear ya. I've never thought in black and white...I love, love issues that are in the grey or very complex. Needless to say, its been an interesting journey as a life long member.
Yes, it's interesting for me too. And I'm on a constant quest to find other LDS who tend to look at things with nuance. I'm coming to the conclusion that there is a significant proportion of people who dwell in gray, but they just rarely speak up in church.
Probably because there's too much fear to speak out in public.
I remember once I went up in testimony meeting and told people that I didn't appreciate having lies spread about me and that no matter what they did it wouldn't change my testimony or prevent me from doing what Heavenly Father wanted me to do, and I was going to still keep coming to church in spite of it.
Yeah, it was controversial. But it got my point across and no one could complain about how I bore my testimony because it was most definetely there.
One of the hardest things on me was discovering that I didn't have the community I thought I did. Mostly because others cannot understand my struggles and questions.
I hate gray. I live my life in grey now but miss when things were black and white-and so simple!!! Of course they were never black and white, my views on everything were.
Wow, Anna, good for you for getting up there and being open about things.
Tanya, I know what you mean. My community has shrunk exponentially since things have become gray. I also kind of miss the times when things were so clear.
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