Madwoman Out of the Attic

a feminist trudging forward in a patriarchal world

Thursday, September 20, 2007


I loved the Exponent II retreat. So many stories, so many ideas, so many experiences. Vulnerability, honesty. It was great.

One thing I came away with was the fact that there are really awesome men in the world. A few women at the retreat married for a second time in their 40's or 50's. These are smart, issue driven women who don't exactly embody the Mormon female ideal. But these great LDS men saw their worth. How cool. Gives me hope for all the Mormon women who currently have crappy marriages. There is hope for a great second chance.


Blogger Anna Maria Junus said...

That is good to here.

Yes, I am a divorced Mormon mom in her 40's.

9/20/2007 10:37 PM  
Blogger amelia said...

i don't want this to come across in the wrong way, so just know i'm asking out of honest curiosity. did you really not know there are "really awesome men in the world"? and do you genuinely believe there are such a significant number of mormon women in crappy marriages? any more than non-mormon women? or any more than men (whether mormon or non-mormon)?

again, i hope that doesn't sound like criticism; i'm truly curious.

9/22/2007 10:38 AM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Amy, of course I knew there were really awesome men in the world. It was simply reinforced by hearing these atypical women's stories.

And yes, I do think there are lots of crappy marriages in the world. LOTS. LDS and non-LDS. And I love hearing from women who have found the strength and courage to leave when there's little hope for improvement.

(And this wasn't stated in my post, since I was referring back to an all female retreat, but it is equally great when men find the strength to leave bad abusive situations.)

9/22/2007 11:25 AM  
Blogger amelia said...

so yes. there are a lot of marriages that leave the partners in them unhappy for whatever reason. and there are many marriages in which i would be miserable. but many of the people in those marriages are content with them for a variety of reasons. for instance, i know people who are unhappy in their marriages but who would not place the blame for that on either their spouse or on the institutional expectations they have for marriage, but rather on themselves and how they fail to adapt in order to make the marriage work. while i would disagree with them and encourage them to find a more personally suitable means of negotiating marriage (adapting the institution to fit themselves, rather than vice versa), who am i to determine that their marriage is wrong or bad? (not saying you're doing this; i just think it's an easy trap to fall into; i do it with some regularity.)

but i agree with you. i have nothing but respect for people who find the strength to make such a big change when it's truly the only way they can find the joy i think each of us can and should find in this life. while i think individuals have a responsibility to make their marriages work if at all possible (and in the interest of doing so, that people should be very careful and thoughtful about beginning a marriage), i don't think marriage should ever become a prison.

9/22/2007 4:12 PM  

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