Madwoman Out of the Attic

a feminist trudging forward in a patriarchal world

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Confrontational Woman

Last night I was returning some overdue library books. The library itself had been closed for a couple of hours - I had just planned to drop the books in the slot and run. As I pulled up to the curb to illegally park for a few seconds, I noticed something strange in the library parking lot. Men/boys. With dogs. Excited looking dogs straining on their leashes.

My heart jumped. This better not be what I think it might be, I said to myself, thinking that perhaps this was a Friday night dog fighting ring. Nothing makes me more sick and angry than any kind of animal abuse, and I find the idea of dog fighting unbelievably atrocious.

Instead of parking on the curb, I pulled into the parking lot with lights blazing. My heart was beating fast, and I was having a hard time breathing normally, but I was ready to jump out of my car, approach the people, and say "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Then I noticed that these dogs looked pretty young and small. And there were about 20 people - women too - evenly spaced in a symetric circle. Oops. It was clearly a dog obedience class. I was terribly relieved, and somewhat sheepish about my fear. After, all this is a library parking lot in Irvine, not a deserted warehouse in the inner city.

But the experience kind of showed just how far I've come in my abilities to confront people. I am not naturally confrontational at all. I spent the first 20 years of my life ducking out of any type of lime light or difficult situation and trying to avoid public speaking of any sort. But I've seen myself become much more assertive in the past few years. No doubt a lot of that is from teaching high school, as well as a developing moral certainty that one must speak up and confront certain certain cruelties and injustices. It's difficult and scary for me still, but I'm glad to know I can do it.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I'm huge! Reflections on being noticably pregnant

I'm only 5 months pregnant right now. That really isn't all that much. However, I'm ginormous! Not only is my gut totally sticking out, I'm a lot bigger everywhere. (Must. Control. Food. Intake.)

I'm finding it a weird experience to walk around and have everyone who looks at me know I'm pregnant. It almost feels like an invasion of my privacy, since I feel like I'm a walking advertisement for my own sexual activity. I'm a little self-conscious about it. I guess this is something that women alone just learn to deal with when they are pregnant, since I don't think there's any male equivalent of a man's body screaming out their sexual history.

Women who read this, have you felt similarly self-conscious about your body being a billboard of your sexuality, or do you know others who have felt like this too?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

library school hell - the database project

This post is for my database partner in library school, so trust me, if you're not Emily, stop reading now. This will be boring. Emily here are my shoes. Good luck creating records for them!